Isaiah

Why do I sit / do emotional work / do energy work / go on retreats / look inside?

What is my mission? Where am I going? What am I looking for?

The real answer is: I don’t know.

I told someone recently that the reason was that I never really liked myself, and the work has gotten me (mostly) past that. That’s basically true, but that’s only obvious in retrospect, it’s not why I started nor why I still do it.

It’s helped with my social anxiety! But I couldn’t have predicted that it would.

It’s made me a better father! But I didn’t know that going in.

And I don’t know what I’m looking for now.

I think the only real answer is curiosity and faith:

I’m curious what will happen when I sit, or find new angles to view my emotions, or new ways of seeing the world and myself.

And I have faith that life/myself/the world can be better than it is.

🧘